Welcome, Miss Parades! We’re so glad you could join us.
Did I say something wrong?
“Miss Parades”? It makes me sound like I’m a teacher or something.
Terribly sorry about that! Cordelia, then?
Very well. So. Cordelia. I’m sure you’re a very busy little girl, so I’ll try not to dally.
Well, you are young and little, are you not? Especially when compared to me.
You’re not very good at this whole interviewing thing, are you?
In my defense, it’s not my job.
Then why bother doing it?
Because it’s what the readers want!
Really? You’re one hundred percent sure about that?
I don’t... actually know, to be honest. But it seems like the correct thing to do. What better way to introduce potential readers to the characters of the Season of Clocks saga than with exclusive interviews?
Uh-huh. Sooo this exclusive interview is eventually going to have questions, right?
Yes! Cordelia, readers around the world are dying to know: how does it feel to have your life chronicled in the Season of Clocks saga?
Does it really matter how I feel? I mean, I don’t have a choice about whether I’m in it or not. Which is lame, by the way.
I see. So you’re saying that having your life chronicled in the Seasons of Clocks saga is... “lame”.
I definitely didn’t say that. Not having the choice about whether or not I participate is what’s lame.
But having my life chronicled is pretty lame, too. Super lame.
I... see. Well, that’s unfortunate.
What, you don’t think it’d be pretty lame having everything you do and think and say put on display for everybody to see?
But you’re a character in a story. Not just any story, but the Season of Clocks saga.
Right, the Season of Clocks saga. Anyhoo, “saga” or not, I’m still a person, and a person still likes her privacy. Dig?
Um... dig. Ahem. Moving on. So.
In your opinion, Cordelia, why do you think people should invest their time and money into this series?
Because it’s amazing?
Well, that’s certainly a subjective way of looking at things.
What’s that mean?
It means that’s your opinion.
Uh huh. Yeah, okay, but what’d you expect me to say? That the series is trash? My own series? Really? That’d be like eating a vomit sandwich without getting paid first.
I suppose that’s one way of putting things.
Hey, are’t you supposed to be saying these books are amazing, too? I mean, you’re the one who wrote the things, right?
Oh, I’m far too humble for that.
What? Then how do you expect to sell any copies?
I’d prefer to let the work speak for itself.
I think you definitely need a more aggressive marketing plan.
I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. But let us not forget, Cordelia, this interview is about me and not you.
Don’t you got that switched?
Ah, yes, of course of course. How silly of me. You and not me. Are there any final words you’d like to say to all of our dear readers out there?
Yes: if you’re ever hungry for a Whustor’s Jelly Beans Theme Pack, but can only afford just one, definitely definitely go for Berry Bombardment. ‘Cause that’s the only place you can find the Frosted Blueberry Midnight flavor. And trust me, you want Frosted Blueberry Midnight. Yep.
What does that have to do with the Seasons of Clocks saga?
Nothing. I thought I’d let you say the final words about those books since a.) they’re your books, and b.) you need the practice.
That was kind of you.
Okay. Right. So, readers, read A Season of Clocks because your life will be better off for having done so. There.
You don’t think that was a little much?
Oh dear. Was it?
Why’re you asking me? I’m thirteen.
Duly noted, Cordelia. Many thanks for your time.
Don’t mention it!